Straight up confession time:
My motivation is dwindling. I’m not sure why, but for some reason, whenever I make it to about the 4 month mark of being seizure-free, which just happened at the end of November, my motivation DWINDLES fast, and i put on my LAZY PANTS. I’ll give you some examples of the laziness setting in: not filling my medicine organizers, forgetting to take my medicine all together, staying up too late, and now, with my new, healthier way of eating, I’M STRUGGLING to stay on track!! You can ask my husband, my mom, anyone in my family…the four-month struggle is a legit thing. And as my laziness gets deeper and stronger, we all just kind of silently wait for the other shoe to drop (AKA, for me to have a seizure). I mean, I know you are reading this thinking, ummm…if she KNOWS all of this, why is she still lazy??? That IS the real question, right? I can’t decide if it is like this weird silent hope that my seizures have just magically disappeared in four months and they won’t return 🤞🏻, or if it is just a deep ingrained stubbornness that will forever reside in my body because of my Natal genes.
It’s always a bit of a domino effect that leads to this struggle and the laziness. Little by little, it happens. I actually remember the day that it all started – my magic bullet wasn’t cooperating, I swear it’s mildly possessed, but whatevs. So, I didn’t get to have my bulletproof coffee on this crap-tastic day. I mean, a day started without coffee is already destined to be a failure. Thankful my sister was coming over for some reason or another and she saved me with the nectar of the gods – obviously I mean Starbucks. Say what you will, but a coffee from Starbucks really does have the potential to turn a crappy day right around. I hadn’t had any sweetened coffee in months, so once I tasted that goodness, my mind was like a one way highway with all lanes leading to STARBUCKS!!
The next domino to fall was that Blue Bell Ice Cream “released the Christmas Cookie ice cream.” I’m putting this in quotes, because I’m not afraid to admit, that I actually dedicated some effort to finding this unicorn ice cream, and I’m here to say, that I believe it to be a myth. Not really, but I WOULD deem it a fallacy if I didn’t personally know people who got to taste CHRISTMAS ice cream, that was already out of production before THANKSGIVING 🙄 I mean, I could rant, but I guess that will suffice. My point is, when I dedicate time to finding a specific dessert, am I going to settle for a lesser dessert instead? Um, you bet your bottom dollar I am. Because, as my excuse for the past few weeks has been…it IS the holidays, right?
So then we had Thanksgiving. I mean, So much delicious food leading to the WORST FOOD HANGOVER EVER. Thank goodness for shopping that night – kept me away from the desserts! And so, it’s just been so hard to get back on track since then. There is so many delicious snacks and holiday treats out right now. The struggle is real guys.
All of our dinners are still Whole30, which means lunch is still Whole30, because we eat leftovers for lunch. But my coffee hasn’t gone back bulletproof, and I am just STRUGGLING with small snacks during the day. I feel like my body is a ticking time bomb 💣 and I need someone to just motivate me or yell at me or anything really. I’m stuck between wanting to eat all of the pastries and also not wanting to have seizures…is there any logic? Not really, and I know this.
I know you may be reading this thinking, she knows what she has to do, why doesn’t she just do it?? I’ll tell you…I’ve asked myself that question for years!
Someone send help and motivation in any and all forms, please 🙏🏻